Buy Nothing Day

http://www.adbusters.org/campaigns/bnd Here is a link to learn more about this event.  I have just recently learned about this alternative to “Black Friday”.  I absolutely love this idea!  It is unfortunate to me that I haven’t heard of this before this past week as it is not a new thing.  I have the pleasure of working in an environment with quite a few University students.  I love this small group of diverse guys and gals who come from all walks and backgrounds.  We are a very eclectic group and have a quite a bit of fun while trying to work at the same time.  One of the girls that I work with is very active in social justice and activism so I gave her a call to see if she knew about this day (she did) and if she wanted to do something in our area (she absolutely does!).  So we are doing a wee bit of a scramble to try to pull together even a mini event to bring awareness to our community.

Sweet Awakening

I woke up this morning to the sweetest little face evenly breathing beside me, still asleep.  At some point in the night, as with most other nights, he had found his way into my bed and positioned himself in the warmth between my husband and I.  We strive to parent by our God given instincts to do so and with this little one, it was a challenging start.  He nursed Non. Stop.  He was born with a very high need to suck for comfort and I can remember being so exhausted from being up in the night more times than I could count to meet this need.  With other children to care for during the day, we decided to become closet co sleepers and found the best of both worlds.  I was able to meet the little man’s needs and get way more sleep so in turn I could meet the needs of myself and everyone else during the day.  The comfort of being in a warm bed with other warm bodies has lasted long past his need for nourishment but we relish in the cozy moments.  With the weather getting colder and colder in my real life neck of the woods, I’ll take all the warmth I can get.

More tales from the Dark Side

Being in the foggy, dark place of depression can be especially daunting when you tie faith into it.  So much of North American Christianity clings to the life changing aspects of becoming a Christian.  There’s this underlying message, at least in the circles that I’ve frequented, that spiritual and emotional struggles are directly tied to our level of spirituality.  A few years ago, I struggled immensely with postpartum depression after the birth of one of my babies.  It is a really difficult place to be and not one that I’ve ever desired to be in.  Dragging myself out of bed, forcing myself to bathe and trying to function for the sake of little people who count on me was really, achingly difficult.  In a conversation with a friend who truly meant well, it turned towards the efforts I was taking to “get out of it” to paraphrase.  She went on to say that I needed to listen to more Christian music, to get into the word every day, to try to be thankful for my many blessings.  That relationship has never been the same since that conversation.  You see, I felt completely negated for just not having it together and venturing into the unchartered waters of actually sharing the raw emotion of that.  Essentially, I felt like I had been pep talked about how to achieve a higher level of “Christianity” than I currently had because otherwise I wouldn’t be there in the first place. 

Since that conversation, I have been very guarded about what I do and do not share and with whom I share with.  Interestingly enough, there are very few in the christian circles that I can open up and really share.  It’s been with my work or community related friendships that I have found the most comfort and compassion for sharing what is really going on in my life, my heart, my journey.  It’s disheartening to me that there are so many hurting people who very well may find this same thing to be true.  At what point are we going to embrace the hurting, love them, encourage them and meet them right where they’re at?  Sadly, I think that is the path less travelled.

Tales from the Dark Side

I have been in a bit of a funk for a while now.  I haven’t blogged because I generally try to articulate my words closely and always want to be so careful of the things that I say.  In the past six months, our lives have been flipped upside down with major change on so many fronts.  I have been running myself ragged trying to keep everyone in my life happy  because I have a tendency to be a people pleaser.  A few weeks ago, I finally said “enough” and I am slowly putting up some healthy boundaries around what I can and cannot do.  In my quest to keep everything in life flowing smoothly, I have forgotten to breathe.  I haven’t had any semblance of a “sabbath”.  A day to slow down the pace of life, reflect, meditate and just be.  And, like the dark waves of the tide that lap the shore at the end of the day, I have felt the slow cloud of depression settle over me.  I have struggled with it in the past.  It starts like a dull fog and it’s not until it is so thick and enveloping that I even realize it has arrived.   It is not a oft told ailment because I just can’t handle the pat answers of pray more, do more daily devotions, get into scripture, etc, etc.  I know that this is my body’s way of telling me I’ve been doing too much, too fast, with too much intensity.  I also think it is part of this journey I am on.

I was at our church a few weeks ago and just so disheartened.  Major renovations continue on this building to update it.  I understand that buildings need upkeep.  It’s the over the top upkeep that is just so frustrating.  I live in a city that has been greatly affected by the downturn of the economy.  Our local food bank has had 400 more families this fall apply for assistance than last fall.  So my frustration lies in thousands of dollars going towards beautifying a building when so many people in our community do not know how they are going to feed their children.  Women on a parenting forum in my area have been posting wondering who to go to for help and what they can do to keep their heat on this winter.  My heart breaks for these families and yet there is only so little that our little family can do compared to the many people who need a helping hand.

I can feel myself disconnecting from the whole idea of traditional church more and more.  I have tried to stay to be a change agent but I don’t even believe in the idea of it anymore.  I do believe that we are called to be in community with other believers.  There are so many scriptures that point us to this.  I also believe that we’ve got it all wrong.  The lights, the cameras, the huge buildings, the huge fundraisers for Project XYZ, it’s so “us” focussed.  I long for a place in a community of believers where we can journey together through all the ugly real stuff.  I know that God can still be present in all the imperfection of the church as we now know it but I just don’t think that I can.  So I continue to float in this abyss that I find myself in and wonder where it will lead.  Following the lead of the Spirit can be a scary, uncertain place.  It’s the silver lining of true freedom that keeps me chasing for more.

Stuff

I was recently reading about Jonathan Brink’s thoughts on “The Lie of Stuff” over at his blog jonathanbrink.com (because I’m so new I haven’t figured out linking yet, LOL! ).  In the comments section, someone mentioned an online video “The Story of Stuff” that I had been meaning to watch.  Have you seen it yet?  If not, find 20 minutes to invest in watching it at thestoryofstuff.com.  It provoked some introspective thought for me.  The topic has been quite relevant as my husband has recently made a job change that essentially cut our one income literally in half.  A change like this would send most families scrambling and rightfully so.  I have gone back to work to help supplement the lapse in income but it’s been the unexpected spiritual discipline that has been the most challenging and refreshing.

I LOVE stuff.  There I said it.  I did not realize how much of my value I put in my stuff until I couldn’t buy it anymore.  When the money coming in covers the basic bills and maybe enough to have a little socked away for a true emergency, the buying of stuff that made me feel good came to a halt.  The past 3 months have had me face to face with a very huge mountain of my own PRIDE.  I have been so guilty of putting up a facade.  Nice cars, nice clothes, nice stuff, nice girl, right?  That is what I told myself.  I’ve been reflecting a lot on Matthew 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  In the culture of consuming that we live in, living a life of contentment and simplicity as Jesus did is hard.  And yet, so freeing as God slowly but surely reveals that my value has never been in the stuff.  I am a loved and treasured child of God.  He is stripping away the superficial and getting me down to the meat and potatoes heart issues that need to be processed.  The less there is of me and my stuff, the more room there is for Him.  The issues with money and spending have only ever been symptoms of a more spiritual nature. 

Where is your treasure?

To Go or Not to Go?

I have been growing increasingly unsettled about our present church situation.  We attend a fairly large church that both my husband and I grew up in since we were babies.  This is the church that we attended for Sunday school, youth group and eventually wed in.  In some way, it’s as though we feel a sense of obligation to attend the “church of our youth”.  At the same time, I don’t know how many more times I can obligingly go.  We have a few deep, meaningful friendships there but they are fed outside of this building.  Most of our other relationships there stick with surface topics and are superficial at best.  Well intentioned conversations that mention that we should get together but never go any further.  Our children dread going to their classes and spend most services sitting with us with their stash of craft paper and markers.  I don’t mind in the least having my children there but the people around us are less receptive to this solution.

We spent some time at another church but had more of the same thing with the difference being that the relationships were more “surfacey” and superficial because people didn’t know us at all.  I continue to ask God, myself and my husband what the point is?  Not in an angry, bitter way but out of sheer curiosity and I have yet to find any clear answers.  The truth is that it’s the kid factor.  If we didn’t have the kids, we’d feel less, well, guilty. 

We are still so caught up in this mindset that our kids need “church”.  That Sunday mornings spent going to church are necessary for their spiritual development.  What do we know?  What can we possibly teach them?  We are only their parents.  I spent a lazy Sunday morning at home with our kids recently and saw the potential for something so much more that juice, crackers and colouring sheets.  We listened to music and danced.  We read a verse and they shared what they thought Jesus was telling us to do.  We talked about matters of the heart, their hearts and then prayed about them.  It was a beautiful, meaningful morning that left me wondering what we have bought into and what is the alternative?

Welcome

Welcome to A Place for Grace.  I’ve created this space in the hopes of having a safe place to explore my journey of faith and to journey with others in their journeys.  I have more questions than answers about how to live out this journey but love the freedom in letting the Spirit guide me.  Grab your laptop, a big mug of coffee and let’s start the discussion.