More tales from the Dark Side

Being in the foggy, dark place of depression can be especially daunting when you tie faith into it.  So much of North American Christianity clings to the life changing aspects of becoming a Christian.  There’s this underlying message, at least in the circles that I’ve frequented, that spiritual and emotional struggles are directly tied to our level of spirituality.  A few years ago, I struggled immensely with postpartum depression after the birth of one of my babies.  It is a really difficult place to be and not one that I’ve ever desired to be in.  Dragging myself out of bed, forcing myself to bathe and trying to function for the sake of little people who count on me was really, achingly difficult.  In a conversation with a friend who truly meant well, it turned towards the efforts I was taking to “get out of it” to paraphrase.  She went on to say that I needed to listen to more Christian music, to get into the word every day, to try to be thankful for my many blessings.  That relationship has never been the same since that conversation.  You see, I felt completely negated for just not having it together and venturing into the unchartered waters of actually sharing the raw emotion of that.  Essentially, I felt like I had been pep talked about how to achieve a higher level of “Christianity” than I currently had because otherwise I wouldn’t be there in the first place. 

Since that conversation, I have been very guarded about what I do and do not share and with whom I share with.  Interestingly enough, there are very few in the christian circles that I can open up and really share.  It’s been with my work or community related friendships that I have found the most comfort and compassion for sharing what is really going on in my life, my heart, my journey.  It’s disheartening to me that there are so many hurting people who very well may find this same thing to be true.  At what point are we going to embrace the hurting, love them, encourage them and meet them right where they’re at?  Sadly, I think that is the path less travelled.

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